The Cut

There she is...
On the bathroom floor...
With a blank look on her face...
and some kind of music in the background....

She looks at the blade...
So shiny and new...
takes it in her delicate hands...
hesitates for only a moment...

Pressing it to her leg...
Where she would be able to hide it...
where none would see...
she presses hard...
and pulls towards her...

The blood does not gush out like in the movies...
in fact, it almost seems to hesitate to come out...
then seeming almost timidly comes out...
as if unsure what awaited it outside...
as if afraid to venture out...

But the pain...
the rush of pain hits her...
It was as if a bolt of lightning...
as if electricity was coursing through her body...
had hit her...
She finally feels something...
She is finally no longer numb...

The pain brings out the adrenaline in her...
the blood comes out as if escaping her body now...
she can only look at it coming out...
she felt content, yet ashamed at what she had done...
carving on herself like that...

There were times that she felt nothing...
she wanted nothing...
she needed nothing...
she only wanted a release...
a release from the pain that is life...
but it never came...

She hated herself for doing it...
yet she liked the feeling of feeling...
the numb feeling had overtaken her so long...
that she had forgotten how it felt to feel...

She knew she must tell someone...
she knew she must call for help...
yet she did nothing...
no one would come...
she was alone...

Finally, she pulled herself up...
walked to the shower...
cleaned it all off...
and wiped the blood up...

As she was cleaning her would...
and thought about the scar it would leave...
she noticed she had written something...
she had unknowingly written a word...
a feeling...

The word...
the feeling...
the thought...
she had written...
JOY...